BREAKING: Bullshit Distribution Center Violently Attacked by Anti-Bullshit Protesters

​BREAKING: Bullshit Distribution Center Violently Attacked by Anti-Bullshit Protestors

{satire}

Someone who hasn’t gone on record yet told the Associated Press tomorrow that suspects are known Anti-Bullshit protestors, and got into a violent altercation with Bullshit Distributors who were Distributing Bullshit inside the predesignated Bullshit Distribution area. 

“They violently attacked us by calmly stating their case.” said one Bullshit Distribution employee who is too terrified to go on record. “I was distributing sanctioned Bullshit approved by the State Bullshit Agency , I was just doing my job!” 

His voice is not alone, many Bullshit Distribution employees and supporters are gathering in front of the Bullshit Distribution Center in downtown this morning , expressing their concerns at the violent tendencies of the Anti-Bullshit protesters. 

“I wish these protesters would just go get a job.” one woman told us, her friend piped in, “yeah, just leave us alone and let us spend our hard earned money on Bullshit if we want to!” 

For more info, see our previous article: <<<Bullshit Distribution at All Time High in U.S., Markets Say >>>

Last week, in a totally unrelated event which you shouldn’t think too much about, Rich Whiteman, Demapublican from Elite Town, introduced legislation to double the cost of Bullshit being distributed within designated areas and triple the fines for those caught distributing Bullshit outside Designated Bullshit Distribution Areas. Which in a totally unsurpising turn of events was voted in almost unanimously by the rest of the rich Demapublicans the next day.

Concerns were raised in a city council meeting, of which we have been pressured to include here by public opinion. One resident who identifies himself as “Beam Me Up Scotty” spoke in front of the Council stating his concerns, “the wormholes they have linked to all the distribution centers are giving the State Bullshit Agency a monopoly on Bullshit Distribution. And they do this with secret technology, secret technology they got from aliens.” Even though there were hundreds of other qualified residents who spoke at the meeting, we thought it was important to show you only the most far fetched one we met on the street that morning. 

Despite a few people raising concerns, Richer Whiterman, the CEO of Bullshit Inc, the private Multi National Corproation the State Bullshit Agency contracts out for 90% of their Domestic Bullshit Distribution said yesterday in a statement to his crony friends on Ballstreet, “I am completely confident we will continue to do as we please despite petty opposition, we will not allow profits in the Bullshit Distribution Industry to fall.” 

If you are not distracted yet, consider clicking on this cute <<<video of a cat>>> 

Whitermans statement was music to Ballstreet ears with the Markets closing at a record high last night. 

This comes after the riots which broke out at another Bullshit Distribution Center last thursday caused the market to crash. 

“It was terrible.” one citizen who was present at the riot said, “when they ran out of Bullshit, people just went crazy.” 

For more info see our previous article: <<<Bullshit Distribution Center Runs Out Of Bullshit, Rioting >>>

Sources say that the Anti-Bullshit Millitia is led by a fake psyops account called “Johnny No Name” whose only statement on his Facebook page is inflammatory hate speech: “They stand in front of a windowless locked warehouse that says ‘Bullshit Storage’ and expect us to take them at their word there isn’t enough Bullshit to go around?”

The State Bullshit Agency is asking for any information on the known where abouts of these dangerous protestors. 

We will report more unverified Bullshit as it comes in and attack anyone who questions us. Stay tuned!

{Originally published 2016 on my Facebook }

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